If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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