dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity