Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.