I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
