my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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