Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
