all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
