Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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