Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize