Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
