Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
