I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
