it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
