The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
