where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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