Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
