His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
