and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
