I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
