I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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