Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
