ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
