don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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