I need to stop coming to work sober
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i want to swaddle you in tequila
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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