So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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