I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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