hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
