take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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