I faked an abortion last night.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
