Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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