i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
birth control should be required to get into college
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
