i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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