Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
