Porn is love you can see.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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