So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
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Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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