my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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