i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
