I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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