My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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