I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
well you can't waste a boner
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
