it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
