I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
