Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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