i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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