after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
