True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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