My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I AM VODKA MAN
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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