Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
