he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
