I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
