just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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