just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
