no, he came in my armpit
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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