i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
