I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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