how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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