so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
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hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
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It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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