You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
