in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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