I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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