You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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