I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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