Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
