I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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