Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
