then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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