I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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