What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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