Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
