You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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