im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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